August 14, 2005
Crimes you can get away with
After posting the other day about this pregnant mothers parking bullshit, I thought it was worth highlighting a few other "crimes" you can pretty much get away with. These aren't crimes that I personally advocate committing as much as the parking thing, but ones you could get away with should you decide to none the less.
First of all - being the lazy drunkard that I am - I don't know that much about crime that doesn't involve driving the wrong way down the street. But it's fairly easy to spot these crimes you can pretty much get away with. The key is that it will be something that's basically a petty crime, but it'll carry some ridonkulously harsh penalty. In general, if it doesn't actually hurt anybody but it's considered a felony, it's because it's damn near impossible not to get away with.
Stealing people's mail. Not only is it a felony, but - under this Patriot Act bullshit - it could probably get your ass sent to Gitmo. But that's assuming you actually get caught. When I was in college, my roommate and I accepted quite a bit of money (like $20 cash every week or so) from some poor bastard who happened to have the same name as my roommate. Later on, I actually became friends with the other kid and kind of felt bad about it, but not really.
Stealing gasoline. I'm sure you've seen the signs before: If you get caught stealing gas, they take away your driver's license for like 5 years and make you pay some ridonkulous fine like $10,000. What they don't tell you is that gas stations lose like millions of dollars a year on people pumping and running. Not only will the cops not do shit about it even if the stations bother to complain, but every few years they just say fuck it and wipe all of the pump and run cases off the books because they don't feel like dealing with it. This is why gas stations in the ghetto all require you to pay first.
Can anybody else think of any more of these crimes? I'm sure there's quite a few of them.
Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.
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Posted by Bol at 10:13 AM | Permalink
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