Why are we saving Africa?

I got a chance to catch a little bit of the Live 8 concerts during MTV's rebroadcast. I should probably post a little bit about that tomorrow or some time next week, but I was just sitting here this morning reading something entirely unrelated and it occurred to me: Why are we even trying to save Africa in the first place?

First of all, there's no way we can save Africa anyway. Back in the 1980s, Bob Geldof, Freddie Mercury, et al. raised like a gozillion dollars to send over there in the form of humanitarian aid and guess what: Africa probably never had a worse 20-year period since God knows when. In fact, it could be argued that all of that aid actually did more harm than good, since all they did was use it to buy machetes and chop each other's heads off.

If we were to demand that they use all of that money this time to buy potatoes or some shit, I'm sure they'd just find a way to throw them at each other. I mean, think about it: It's not like a potato won't grow in the ground there the same way it will anywhere else. If food was really the issue, could we not just Fed Ex them some seeds? You know what they say about teaching a man to fish. Also, what would be the best possible outcome if we actually did save Africa? If the entire continent were to be wiped out by famine, AIDS and what have you, would we really be losing a cancer cure? Or even a wealth of fairly attractive women?

Finally, has anybody ever actually met an African person? The college I went to had this little program in which, in order to make it appear as if black people actually went there, and therefore avoid a huge, embarrassing scandal, they would import hundreds of them each semester from various shitholes throughout the African continent. Up until that point, I had never actually met a for real, fresh-off-the-boat African before (I know a few Africans that grew up in the US and could more or less pass for regular jigs), so of course I was shocked to find out that these are possibly the worst possible people you could ever hope to meet.

First of all, they can't stand regular old jigs from the US. I never met one of these fuckers that I would say was any smarter than maybe slightly above average (otherwise why would they live in such shitholes), but yet they have the sheer balls to look down on other black people as if they're intellectually inferior. Newsflash, my African friends: Being smarter than a black person is about as much of an accomplishment as beating a handicapped kid at basketball. At least American jigs smell decent. Also, I was shocked to find out that these people are all hardcore, Pat Robertson-style Christian supremacists. I mean, I figured since they were from Africa, they would all worship statues and sacrifice chickens and what not, but it turns out these mofos are on some hardcore Jesus shit. Hell, maybe that's their problem.