The Real World: Austin - Episode 1: Episode Summary
Not so interesting fact: This season marks the first time in about 13 years and 16 seasons of this shit that I'm actually older than everybody in the whole cast. Actually, I'm not 100% certain of that because I could, in theory, be younger than Lacy (the pasty looking white bitch in the center), but I'm going to go ahead and assume that I'm not. At any rate, this season looks like it might be aiight as far as these later seasons of the Real World go. It's not going to be another Boston, but it could be another San Diego, which is better than nothing.
First of all, I guess we should take a brief look at the cast:
Danny, 21, hails from somewhere in Massachusetts (I'm assuming a suburb of Boston). While his two sisters are a doctor and an RN, he spends his time hammering nails into roofs with his daddy. His mom is a crackhead or some shit, but that doesn't figure until later in the season.
Rachel, 22, is from somewhere in California (Does it matter where?). I guess her main thing is that she used to be in the Army, but I pretty much gathered from the previews that she wasn't actually a real soldier so much as she was an army nurse or secretary or some shit. She's kind of chubby and ugly in the face, but with decent enough sized boobs, I guess.
Nehemia, 19, also hails from somewhere in California. He just graduated from California Community Jig College with a degree in photo developing and apparently owns a whole wardrobe full of Native Tongues-esque African themed bullshit.
Johanna, 21, was born and raised in Peru. She works as a social worker and was recently accepted into Columbia's graduate Social Work, or whatever, program, which I basically took to mean that she's had some issues and that she's now one of those ex-dope fiends that they let talk to the other young dope fiends.
Wes, 20, is from Kansas but went to school at Arizona State University, which I guess is considered the top party school in the country. He'll be playing alternately the naive (racist?) white guy and also the drunken frat boy, which should make for some interesting television.
Melinda, 21, hawaii, hails from Hawaii and is a self-proclaimed nymph. She has a boyfriend back home, but she worries that she won't be able to hold it together for the 3 months or however long she'll be in Texas. Her little audition tape shows her running on the beach naked and she goes the entire first episode in varying degrees of undres. Honestly though, I don't think she's that hot. She's like Tonya from the Real World Chicago, only with a somewhat better body.
Lacy, 23, grew up in Ohio but is currently a hairdresser for gay guys in Florida. She's the pasty white bitch I mentioned before. It's harder to tell in the photo, but on TV she looks like a pale, female Crispin Glover. She's allegedly a virgin and will be playing the jealous, prudish chick in this years cast.
I'll keep the rest of this brief just because I started pregaming for this bad boy a little bit early and now I'm starting to feel it:
The gang meets at various places around town and all make their way to the crib. It's as pimp but teh ghey as usual if a bit nondescript-looking from the exterior. Honestly it doesn't look that much different on the inside than the last several houses. They may even be using some of the same furniture.
They engage in various activities like changing clothes, taking a hot tub and taking a group shower where they all get a chance to examine the size and shape of each other's nasty bits. Danny and Wes both decide that they're going to try to hook up with either Johanna or Melinda (within the first 30 days, they agree) while the girls both decide that they want to hook up with Danny.
At the club, Johanna makes her pathetic little play for Danny. She goes up to him, jiggles her boobs in his face and then gives him a kiss, but it's clear that he's got his eyes on Melinda. So she grabs Lacy, who's just kind of standing there looking jealous, and heads somewhere else where she can pretend that didn't just happen.
Later on, back at the crib, Wes realizes he doesn't stand much of a chance with either of those two and makes a play for Rachel, which doesn't really go well at all, which is probably a good thing for him just because A) the bitch is kinda nasty looking to begin with and B) banging a chick who's been over in Iraq can probably give you cancer or some shit.
The rest of the episode has to do with the big brawl of the century that takes place outside one of the clubs. Nehemia had an incident with Johanna that basically centered around him being a huge sucker (Is he gay?), so he storms out in a huff. Danny and Wes go out after him and accidentally bump into some dudes, one of whom proceeds to kick the living shit out of Danny.
Back at the house, Danny confronts Nehemia, talking about how he was out there defending him and Nehi Grape Soda was nowhere to be found. Danny eventually goes to the doctor, who informs him that his eye is fucked up to the point where it will need to be operated on.
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