All You Youngsters Better Watch Your Back

Now I know there's alot of white-people with dreadlocks, environmentalists and other "free-thinking" types in and around Seattle, but this story still doesn't explain why Marines recruiters have to kidnap kids to get them to enlist instead of just recruiting the average young American idiot to go kill whatever brown people we hate this war.  Axel Cobb graduated high-school recently and was being aggressively pursued to join the Marines by his local recruitment center (or whatever you call it).  They called him often and even stopped by to visit him at his home.  Then when he couldn't be convinced to join they kidnapped him.
Says the story:

Next thing Axel knew, the same sergeant and another recruiter showed up at the LaConner Brewing Co., the restaurant where Axel works. And before Axel, an older cousin and other co-workers knew or understood what was happening, Axel was whisked away in a car.

"They said we were going somewhere but I didn't know we were going all the way to Seattle," Axel said.

Just a few tests. And so many free opportunities, the recruiters told him.

He could pursue his love of chemistry. He could serve anywhere he chose and leave any time he wanted on an "apathy discharge" if he didn't like it. And he wouldn't have to go to Iraq if he didn't want to.

At about 3:30 in the morning, Alex was awakened in the motel and fed a little something. Twelve hours later, without further sleep or food, he had taken a battery of tests and signed a lot of papers he hadn't gotten a chance to read. "Just formalities," he was told. "Sign here. And here. Nothing to worry about."

His mom eventually tracked him down, stole him back from the Marines (which is pretty funny for a single woman and her teenage daughter to do), hired a lawyer and $250 later got his papers and cell phone back (read the link if yer confused).

As I meant to mention earlier, there must be a smaller number of dumb kids in the Seattle area then in my local area of Indianapolis.  Here in the land of dumb Hoosiers (more affectionately known as "cannon fodder") we have small towns that are basically jumping on Apache helicopters to go kill people.  So obviously this USMC-sanctioned kidnapping is not a national phenomenon.  Yet.

Obviously people in and around Seattle are smoking too much pot and reading Noam Chomsky so they are better prepared to resist the allure of getting killed by their fellow troops (like Pat Tillman) in some pointless skirmish.  My fellow hoosiers are not smoking enough pot (as I can personally attest) so they're still riled up about the tragic death of Dale Earnheart and want to seek their revenge on an uncaring universe by signing up with the military.  Trust me.  Both of my army-enlisted neighobrs have told me exactly that in those words (with no hint of irony).  So to the youth I offer this advice:  tell your pot-smoking friends to chill out before your local USMC recruiters start kidnapping you.  Let my hoosier bretheren continue to be mowed down in the streets of Iraq so you and yours don't have to.