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June 14, 2005

A CURE FOR AIDS HAS BEEN DISCOVERED!!!

Fat Magic

I’ve been away for a while on account of me trying to git my shit together career-wise and shit. In the interim, I did happen to meet Byron Crawford and his mom (no homo and no joke) during their jaunt through my neck of the woods last week in Brooklyn, NYC. I’ll tell you about it sometime soon. Anyways, I’ve also been wrapped up in something really important, the NBA finals.

So after a few weeks of seeing Miami and Dallas being summarily sent home, I’m watching Detroit catch mad ass pounding (n.h.) from San Antonio and I’m noticing that during the half-time and post game commentary shows, where they’ve rounded up all the washed up former NBA jigs, that Earvin “Magic” Johnson has become and remains a big ass nigga. Now, ordinarily, that wouldn’t mean shit seeing as how Charles Barkley is also a big ass nigga with a big ass round head (lay off the pork rinds dude), but didn’t Magic announce on November 7, 1991 that he had contracted the H.I.V. virus (after running up in Isaiah Thomas too many god damned times) causing him to retire from professional basketball? 

Now, I know what you may think, so I’ve mos def gotta throw the pre-emptive no homo before finishing this sentence, but I’ve personally known a few cats over the years that contracted H.I.V. around the same time that Magic caught it, and the toughest one (dude was a mean ass effin gay dude) held on until about 1998 before he passed away, and believe me when I tell you, dude ended up with a bad case of the coughs, thins and shrivels.

To my knowledge, H.I.V. ain’t no effin joke the same way cancer ain’t no effin joke, once you catch it, it’s more or less “goodbye buddy”, so what the fuck is Magic’s deal? Back in 1999, a friend of mine, who was this mad kooky conspiracy theorist who had all types of weird ass conspiracy theorist books and spent mad time on all of these weird ass conspiracy theorist web sites used to tell me about the cure. He used to look me in the eye with that eff’ed up conspiracy theorist bugged out glaze in his gaze and claim that scientists in Africa discovered the cure to aids back in like 1992. He claimed that pharmaceutical companies from around the world made some type of pact to keep the cure a secret on account of how the h.i.v. drug industry was a cash cow for them and would only allow a certain “select” people with enough clout and capital in on their lil secret. He went on to tell me that Magic hooked up with some African dignitaries, paid them like a fortune, and started hanging out in the Motherland for a few years like it was nobody’s business. I never believed him on account of dude being plain old crazy, just like I never believed him when he claimed that he knew George Bush and his cabinet staged the 9-11 attacks. But the more and more I see that big ass nigga on television, looking just a’healthy as a big nigga can be, I’m starting to believe that these fuckers are really pulling the wool over our eyes.

Don’t believe me, just tune in to the game tomorrow night and see for yourself  just how stout dude looks, (and he ain’t even coughing), then ask yourself, “When was the last time an aids patient looked like he could kick my ass but good?”

[ED NOTE: I've also heard that Magic is banging all kinds of chicks these days, even though he always struck me as being kinda teh ghey. -- Bol]

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Byron Crawford a/k/a Bol is the celebrated author of several books, most recently NaS Lost: A Tribute to the Little Homey.

Copp dat:NaS Lost

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