The Mong

A couple of weeks ago, I jumped on the train headed to Manhattan since I had to meet my accountant to take care of some taxes. It was one of those incredible spring days where the weather was just right and the chicks really took advantage by wearing their new low cut jeans to proudly show belly rings, tatoos, hips, ass and thongs. Anyway, the car I'm riding in is fairly crowded and I take my position leaning against one of the sliding doors (anyone familiar with the New York City subway system knows that leaning against the door is prime real estate in a crowded subway car when no seats are available). I have to mention that whenever I'm travelling around in this crazy ass city, I become what you would call a people watcher. I have a knack for noticing all sorts of people in my surroundings along with whatever they're wearing or whatever types of shit they're doing. Anyways, as I'm minding my own business, there's this white fifty-something year old man standing in front of me with his back facing me (no homo). He appears to be in pretty good shape for an older dude (no homo). So after a couple of stops, I look down and realize that dude is wearing a pair of low cut jeans just like the chicks do, then upon further inspection, and when I say no homo, I say it with all conviction, I realize that dude is wearing a man thong!!!

After a couple of deep breaths to gather myself from the horror of being confronted with this nasty ass scene, I realize that I'm trapped!!! Dude, with ipod on, is listening to some Swing Out Sister or some other tey ghey jams, he's grooving his gay groove on, and I'm praying to the train gods that this train doesn't go into a lurch, causing Elton John's man thonged gay ass to brush up all on me, causing me to shove him away, get into all types of altercation and wind up getting arrested. The funny shit is that, just like in that Austin Powers' flick where Austin meets the agent with the big ass mole on his face and no matter how hard he tries to ignore and take his mind off it, all Austin sees is MOLE, all I'm seeing is dude's MAN THONG and I'm like “who in the world would want to invent some shit like that and what the fuck do you call it?” Now, a chick's thong is, for the most part delicately thin and silky or nylon-ey looking whereas dude's Mong was thicker, more rugged and made out of some tough looking neoprene material. Trust me when I say I wish I wasn't able to share with you all the gory details, but everytime I looked up I had MONG within my eyesight. Now I hope that that's the last time in my life I ever see an effin Mong, but judging by how happy and liberated Kevin Spacey  seemed during that train ride, it looks like an new invasion is about to hit the U.S. and Mong season is headed to a city near you. No homo.