The Greatest Rapper of All Time

In case you haven't noticed, I've been off the last couple of days "doing irresponsible things." My bad. I started working on the official HBA blog Monday, but I got a little bit too wasted before I got a chance to actually tweak the code to my liking. You can check out what I guess I'll be referring to as the HBA "beta version" by clicking here. I'm going to be busy until some time Thursday, but if you'd like to try your hand at fiddling with the code yourself, hit me on the email and I'll hook you up with the necessary info. In the mean time, I figured I'd do something to pay tribute to one of the only rappers whose weed I'd actually carry, who died 8 years ago (wow!) today.

The debate on who's actually The Greatest Rapper of All Time is nothing new in rap circles and has indeed broken out in the comments sections of various otherwise unrelated posts on this site over the past year. Usually, I don't really to bother to participate in these debates other than to chime in and state the fact that Biggie is obviously the GOAT. But I figured that today, to mark the occasion and all, I'd actually attempt to develop my argument a bit further.

In order to "prove" that Biggie's The Greatest Rapper of All Time (TM), I figured that I'd take a look at a few of the MCs other than Biggie that people generally cite as the GOAT and point out why they aren't actually the greatest.

Rakim: For my younger readers, Rakim is probably most well known as "that old guy from that one Truth Hurts record." Well, before he was shilling for Hennessey and doing guest raps on one hit wonder R&B records, Rakim was the MC most likely to cited as the GOAT by old people like Ian from Different Kitchen. While it's true that the R really did change the game as far as MCing is concerned and he does have more "scientific" lyrics than Biggie, he also happens to be FUCKING BORING. Understand I'm not hating on the dude - I happen to like a lot of his shit - but try throwing a Rakim song on at a party: All the chicks will exit the dance floor immediately and all that will be left is two corny-looking white dudes and a chinaman standing in the corner rapping along because they memorized all the lyrics. Trust me, I've seen it happen a million times.

KRS-One: I'm not going to hate because I really like KRS-One. I've heard his bad albums more times than you've heard your favorite album, unless you're one of those sorry motherfuckers who sits around and listens to Weezer (and you know which one I'm referring to) 10 times a day, everyday. I'll give you that he'd probably own Biggie in a battle (even today, if Biggie were actually alive), but I still think Biggie was a better overall songwriter than Kris.

2pac: I know. I feel silly even mentioning 2pac in a post about the 5 greatest rappers of all time, but the truth of the matter is, a lot of people really like 2pac. Hell, I really like 2pac myself. But I'm wise enough to know that as far as his actual MC skills are concerned, he's just plain not on the same level as the rest of the jigs in this post. I will give you that he had better abs than BIG though. Satisfied?

Jay-Z: Jay-Z is probably the MC that you're most likely to see cited as the GOAT in any discussion on this site, just because this site tends to be frequented by a younger demographic. I'll give you that the man seems to be supremely talented at separating 12-year-old white kids from their allowance, but you could say the same thing about Nelly or the chinks that manufacture Tamagotchi. The truth of the matter is that Jay-Z just hasn't made very many songs that I like. I know that in a lot of cases he's basically compromised his art for the sake of commerce, and I guess since he's from the projects and I'm... um, not from the projects, I'm supposed to excuse that, but, again, the truth of the matter is that Jay's best moments really can't compare to Biggie's.

And that's pretty much my take on this whole controversy. If you feel like I've left something out, or that my reasoning isn't 100% scientific (which it is), feel free to chime in in the comments section below. I'll be more than happy to show you why you're wrong