MIA - Arular: Album Review

MIA, Arular (XL, 2005)
MIA, née Maya Arulpragasam, had the misfortune to be born in one of those shitholes of a country where all of the guys are running around in the forest with machetes whacking each others heads off and all of the girls are either working in the sex industry or manufacturing Nike tennis shoes (not to be confused with Nike sandwiches). Her father, for whom this album is named, was a highly decorated (with face paint) soldier, having racked up more than 3,000 kills, even more if you count children.

When Arular Arulpragasam was done with his enemies, he would cut out their teeth and hair to bring home to his young daughter, Maya, who would use them to fashion statues, mainly of elephants and rhinoceros. One day, while wandering around an open air market attempting to peddle her wares to drunken British soldiers, she was discovered by the wealthy Jewish liberal filmmaker Zana Briski, who was subsequently able to use her connections in the art world to secure the young Arulpragasam a scholarship to one of the fanciest art schools in all of Europe, where she would develop a very deep appreciation for techno music. The rest, as they say, is history.

BA-NA-NA (SKIT)

On the album's intro, MIA reaches out to the youth of Sri Lanka and urges them to get themselves an education, as it is the only way for them to escape a lifetime of chugging chode and stapling Nikes.

PULL UP THE PEOPLE

This beat is giving me a headache. I'm assuming it's meant to be the audio equivalent of the sound of one of those Nike sewing machines? Well, it certainly chugs chode! No homo.

BUCKY DONE GUN

This actually kinda reminds me of "Supersonic" by Oasis JJ Fad. I wonder if that was the kind of music she listened to as a young child in Sri Lanka playing with dead Asians' teeth.

FIRE FIRE

Speaking of Oasis, another really good British group that MIA kinda reminds me of is Musical Youth. Coincidentally (?), I heard the little kid from that group grew up to be a vicious killer.

FREEDOM (SKIT)

skip

AMAZON

Where as Musical Youth was really dedicated to pulling up the poor (they sang of how it felt to have no food), it's been speculated that MIA is only pretending to be a revolutionary for fashion purposes. Also, their music was a lot better.

BINGO

Actually, it's also been speculated that when the Musical Youth was singing of the feeling of having no food, they were actually referring to "having the munchies." The truth of the matter is, the British are a very insincere people.

HOMBRE

"Hombre," as far as I can tell (having heard it twice now), is a dirty, dirty Sri Lankan sex worker's chant. The first verse mentions something about giving good head. The chorus goes "Excuse me, Mr. Hombre / Take my number, call me."

ONE FOR THE HEAD (SKIT)

I'll let you guess what "one for the head" means.

10 DOLLAR

10 dollar, sucky sucky. 10 dollar, sucky sucky.

SUNSHOWERS

Oh fuck no, it's a cover of motherfucking "Sunshowers." "Sunshowers," you'll recall, was an old disco song that Ghostface covered, as "Ghostshowers," on Bulletproof Wallets. My older readers will also recall that it was featured in the movie Boyz N the Hood, during one of the scenes in the beginning when Ice Cube's mother is... um, cursing.

GALANG

And finally, the big, trendy single from last year. I was never that into it. "Pass the Dutchie" is wholly superior. There's also a bonus track at the end of this that's pretty bad. I think I heard her mention President Bush.

COMMENTS: Just based on the press leading up to it, I was all set to give this album a good review, just because I figured I would have to. But it turns out that this is some of the worst shit I've ever heard in my life; and I've heard some bad shit. I don't ever want to hear this shit again in my life.

ALSO: I could fucking take Arular.