The Real World: Philadelphia - Episode 15: Episode Summary

It's been a while since I've done this, and let's face it: I've been slacking a bit this season compared to San Diego. I can't help it; the first 15 episodes of this shit have been bad even by recent Real World standards. It almost got to the point where I said fuck it, and found something else to do on Tuesday nights. Fortunately, I'm too broke to do much other than drink the occasional Miller High Life in my parents' basement and too lazy to get another job. With that said, on to the show.

I'm glad those fags over at MTV were able to scrape together enough footage to make this episode "only kinda bad," compared to the usual "reeeeaal fucking bad," even if they did have to resort to some pretty dubious editing methods. To hear the previews for this shit tell it, MJ and Shavonda got into some beef and then the cops had to show up. While it's true that MJ and Shafawnduh got into it and the cops did show up, neither of them had anything to do with one another.

I actually thought the beef at the beginning of this episode was the most humorous. MJ, Sarah and Willie were at some gay looking coffee shop discussing, I don't know, acting, when the subject of Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" came up. Actually, I think first the subject of stage acting, or whatever it's called, came up. Somebody said something or other, and then Willie was like, "If you don't have talent, then you're not gonna make it on Broadway." How gay. And then MJ, who must be a big Mel Gibson fan or some shit, was like, "Mel Gibson was in Shakespeare!" even though I'm pretty sure that was just a movie.

Next thing you know, Sarah gets all amped, talking about, "I don't like Mel Gibson, and I don't support him financially!" And it was there, in that moment (moments before she actually said it), that it occurred to me that Sarah is actually Jewish. I mean, I knew she acted Jewish, but you know gentile chicks from rich areas can start to take on Jew broad tendencies. Anyhoo, suffice it to say that my Jewdar is a bit off. I wonder if Matt picked up on that one. On a more or less unrelated note, way back in the day, a guy told me that Stephen the Male Prostitute, from the Seattle season was a black Jew, but that he only really mentioned it during the casting special. Can anybody verify this for me? It's been haunting me since my youth.

TO SUM THINGS UP: Sarah tries to paint MGay as the dumb football player/southerner because he didn't find "The Passion" to be anti-semetic, but doesn't actually explain why he should, or otherwise indicate that she's actually seen it. Don't get me wrong, that shit's anti-jew like a mofo. Shit, that was the only part about it that I found amusing, but I'm a sick, sick boy.

Moving on, Landon and MGay go out to some bar, where he meets some blond piece of tang, It isn't made clear that this isn't the same chicks that's popped up on 4 or 5 episodes of this shit so far. You know, the one he brought home that time and banged and didn't want to buy a cab for (not that I would either, mind you)? So anyway, she's blond and kinda hot and kinda slutty looking and MGay could've gotten himself a piece if he wanted, but I guess it was just last episode or whatever when he told his back home trim that he wasn't about to bring anymore chicks home, and you know how those southern guys like to stick to their word! I'da fucked her right there in the club on a sheer technicality. Or at least in the cab, y'knowhatimsayin'.

So Muja Fudge gets home and just has to call his Tennessee tang, Ashley, how much he loves her. But he can't because Shafawnduh's on the phone with somebody, probably making shit up like she always does. MJ asks her to get off the phone, but I guess not nicely enough, which sets off her inner ign'ant black chick. She completely exaggerates the story to Sarah and Melanie, who start talking that empowerment of women noise to her and trying to conflate MJ asking for the phone with actual physical violence. S-Fawnduh mentions that she's been "choked, pushed and body-slammed." Not to sound insensitive, but she probably had it coming.

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Meanwhile, that lazy wetback Willie apparently does nothing anymore other than go out to the club, get soused, and make out with other guys. Not to sound like Bill O'Reilly or anything, but there could be kids watching this! Karamo gets worried that he'll have to make out with a white guy on TV and runs home like he always does. Also, he might've been a little bit pissed about Willie calling him Omarosa.

So Willie stays and ends up get a cab ride home with one of the other fudgepacks, who gives him $10 for cab fare to the Se(a)men Center, which I guess he didn't realize or maybe he thought that was $10 for the BJ he had just given him and he had already paid the cabbie. Either way, he leaves w/o paying the cabbie, hence the cop. Karamo has the cabbie drive him to an ATM to take out a $20 because I guess neither of them keeps $10 in that whole fucking building. The next day Willie gets bitched out a little bit (just barely) at work and is informed that he's having 4 hours of his pay docked. Whatever.

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Honestly, this episode wasn't really that good either, but at least there were a few arguments. Let's just say I'm counting on next week's episode to finally kick things up a notch, or else I'm gonna be really disappointed. Either way, I'll probably end up drinking.