CURTAINS UP (ENCORE VERSION)
No purpose to this at all, as far as I can tell. But it's an intro, so whatever...
Now is certainly not the time for rappers to be mentioning Jesus. I mean, since he just FUCKED UP EVERYTHING. Also, why is Em quoting Slug? Is this supposed to be some kind of subliminal conversation between white rappers that I sorta kinda picked up on because I spent too much time in college (4 years + a victory lap, bitches)?
Better, actually. The Dre beat knocks and 50 sounds like he's actually trying again in his little verse. Which is not saying much, obviously, but these days, you take what you can get.
YELLOW BRICK ROAD
Ah, from the somewhat OK to the ridonkulous. It's clear that after Warren Beatty gave him an Oscar for that 8 Mile garbage, Em got it in his head that he should be doing beats that much more often. Based on the title, I was halfway expecting a sped-up Elton John sample, but, in some ways, this is actually worse. I think the lyrics might make reference to his whole, "I don't like black chicks" incident from last year, but I wasn't really paying attention.
LIKE TOY SOLDIERS
Wow, wait 'til you hear this. The sped-up vocal sample on the chorus is, get this, fucking "Toy Soldiers" by Matrika (sp?). Remember that shit? Trust me, you don't want to. I think the lyrics make reference to one of these new-age sensitive rapper subliminal beefs, but I couldn't really follow and I really didn't want to hear this shit twice.
I've already gone over how this isn't a very good song at all in the least bit, and now it's completely irrelevant, so fuck it. According to the MP3 tags, this one was actually produced by Dr. Dre. How sad.
Oh fuck! Here's the chorus: "You don't know how sick you make me to my stomach / Everytime I think of you, it makes me puke!" But he sings it in that dumbass voice that he tends to sing things in when he's got a fucking point to make. There's even audio of him puking right at the beginning just to put the point across that much more clearly.
MY 1ST SINGLE
It's obvious to me now that Em just doesn't care anymore. Last album, he toyed around with the idea of making songs that weren't worth listening to in the least bit and people still bought it, so now he's gone completely off the deep end. As far as I can tell, the lyrics deal with him trying to record his first single, but then fucking it up by belching right in the middle of it. Seriously.
These things are never really that funny.
Alright. This is another good Dre (or whoever's doing his beats these days) beat. Em tries his damndest to ruin it with his rhymes, but only halfway succeeds. I have no idea what this is about--more new fangled sensitive rapper subliminal beef shit as far as I can tell.
I doubt even the staunchest Em supporters (whoever they are) can defend this shit. 5 years from now, he'll give an interview in some magazine where he admits this was all a big joke, and I'll just be like, "How was that not COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVIOUS."
EM CALLS PAUL (SKIT)
I don't get it. Why is his voice disguised? Either way, it's not that funny anyway.
JUST LOSE IT
I've also gone over the fact that this isn't a very good song, but it still might actually be the best song on this shit. Think about that.
ASS LIKE THAT
Just when you thought things couldn't get any more "ironical," Em records a song with the title "Ass Like That" and it's actually really good. Just kidding, this song sucks just like the rest of them.
SPEND SOME TIME
Obie Trice refers to his dick as his "penis." LOL. WTF is this, health class? Why is Eminem singing in that dumbass voice again? One of his weed carriers should've had the balls to tell him that shit was stupid. I'm sure they're all millionaires by now anyway.
Wanna hear the most annoying song in the world? Mock: YEAH! Ing: YEAH! Bird: YEAH!
CRAZY IN LOVE
Oh God, no. It's a fucking sped-up "Crazy on You," or whatever it's called. You know, that Heart song? I so wish I was making this shit up.
ONE SHOT 2 SHOT
This song features D-12. I don't think I have to say anything else.
FINAL THOUGHT (SKIT)
I've been writing this shit with VH1 Classic on mute, like I do from time to time. But I had to stop what I was doing when "Together Forever" by Rick Astley came on. That was my shit. I wonder if he's related to Joss Stone? They played "Lights Out" by Peter Wolf too. Fuck yeah!
ENCORE / CURTAINS DOWN
I need to get me one of those somewhat chubby white chicks with a thick blaccent. She could suck my dick and then sing me Alicia Keys records while she cleans my kitchen. The j-station and some other kids actually brought such a chick over my house not too long ago, but I was too wasted to close the deal. I don't know if I'd want to sober.
I really don't have anything else to say about this other than that it's obvious to me that Eminem just doesn't give a shit about music anymore. If that's how he feels, then he should probably just quit. It's not like he needs the money. Nobody would give a shit, except for maybe his millions and millions of fans. But they're young; they'll get over it.
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT AND DISCUSS: Peter Wolf from the J. Geils Band (remember, there were several Peter Wolfs) was, arguably, the greatest white dancer in the history of the race. Mick Jagger was good too and actually wrote songs worth listening to. From what I understand, both of them have had sex with Jann Wenner from Rolling Stone. He must be into guys who are good dancers.