Theodore Unit - 718: Album Review

Theodore Unit, 718 (Sure Shot, 2004)
The other day I was coming home from, I don't know drinking or whatever when I came across this kid standing out in the middle of the gotdamn street. Not even a kid, really, but a little bitty ass baby - like two years old or something. Anyhoo, being "not 100%," I was briefly tempted to run the little bugger over not because I'm a psycho or anything (I swear) but to spare him a lifetime of disappointment, since his moms obviously didn't have the good sense to abort him or drop him off somewhere. But I eventually came to my senses and decided to just kinda drive around him. As if I didn't have enough problems already!

GUERILLA HOOD

So, from what I understand (keep in mind, I'm no Ghostfaceologist or anything), this album is made up of various freestyles, tracks intended for The Pretty Toney Album that got left off for whatever reason and some new shit Ghost recorded with these guys that he's been paying the past coupla years to carry around his scarves and water. Putting this amazing "Guerilla Hood" shit up first initially lead me to believe that he was attempting to frontload the album with all of the good songs, U2-style.

PUNCH IN PUNCH OUT

But it turns out that this whole disc is pretty fucking incredible. I can't prove it or anything (without my trusty Etch-A-Sketch), but I think the key to this album is the production. The only occasion in which you'll ever catch Pretty Toney rhyming over anything less than stellar is when he's rhyming on one of Raekwon's albums and he'll be damned if his weed carriers do either.

'88 FREESTYLE

Ghost and one of his weed carriers rhyming over something from Big Daddy Kane's awesome Long Live the Kane. I would tell you what it's called, but I'm pretty sure that disc is in storage (ok, a pile on the floor) at the BC dot C Headquarters East and I'm not about to drive 3 blocks for you fags. It is interesting to note, though, that Kane is way more talented at this kind of rap than Ghost and MC Charlie Hodge or whatever his name is. Don't believe me? Dig up a copy of the Kane version and hear for yourself.

THE DRUMMER

Speaking of highly talented (but too busy puffing the chievous) MCs, Method Man raps on this one. You know, the jig from The Wire and, previously, OZ. He even brings along one of his own weed carriers (Streetlife), which makes this track extra special in that it actually features two "real" MCs and their respective errand boys. It's hard to prove on a home computer, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't happen very often.

GATZ

This one is apparently a throwback to the time when jigs used to do gay shit like wear tight pants and... um, dance. You'll never catch me doing either unless I'm real fucked up.

WHO ARE WE?

Was I the only one who was actually tempted to put this shit down when they saw Bonecrusher was on it? Isn't that pretty much the exact opposite of what these people have in mind when they get all these artists to do guest appearances on their album? Not that I have anything against the jig, you know, other than his general appearance and the quality of his art, but I guess if he's found a way to separate so many ign'ant ass white kids (the main people who buy rap music) from their allowance then more power to the brother.

SMITH BROTHERS

Plus that song's actually pretty decent. So is this one which features Trife, who must be one of Ghost's favorite (most trustworthy?) weed carriers given how frequently he appears on this. His least favorite, based on the same criteria, would be Cappadonna and The White One.

MAMA CAN YOU HEAR ME

You can tell that this kid Solomon Childs takes himself more seriously than the rest of Ghost's weed carriers just based on how he raps. This jig (do Dominican people count as jigs?) is fucking determined to roll Ghostface a joint. No homo.

PAYCHECKS

The other key to this album (besides the production) is that Ghost shows up on the vast majority of the tracks. He knows better than to let more than one track go by without featuring the guy people actually paid to hear rap on this.

WICKED WITH LEAD

This one has a nice bounce to it.

DAILY ROUTINE

Not to say that he's less talented than any of the other members of the group, but who wants to be that this kid The White One is The Guy Who Does Ghostface's Taxes' son or some shit. I bet he doesn't even have to carry any weed or guns.

RIGHT BACK

Ok, here's an occasion in which Ghost lets more than one track go buy without adding his amazingness to the proceedings. Because if his luggage carriers had any amazingness, then they probably wouldn't have been his luggage carriers in the first place.

PASS THE MIC

Solomon Childs rolled Ghostface what they call in the hood a "fatty boombatty" which caused him to come up with the bright idea of turning the bass so far up that I'm afraid that if I listen to it, I'll awake the people in the project next door, and it doesn't sound that good anyway. I hate when they do that shit.

WORK

Solomon Childs walks around with Ghostface's gun with a determination that is rarely equaled.

IT'S THE UNIT

aka What chicks usually say when I whip out my dong. It's like something from Enter the 36 Chambers, only a lot less essential. The song, I mean. I suppose I should also mention that this is the only song on here that Cappadonna rhymes on, which is unfortunate cuz that jig can fucking rap.

BE MY GIRL

I could totally see a chick hearing this song and just being mesmerized by Solomon Childs. I mean, he could just take her in some room and show her Ghostface's weed and guns, but no, this jig fucking insists on rapping when other members of the group would've just given away some of Ghost's pot. Good boy.

Which brings me back to what I was saying before about disappointments. With this album (mixtape or whatever you want to call it), I'm sure the jigs and cracka in the T-Unit were hoping to make at least enough money to move out of the trailer in back of Ghostface's house, if not enough to buy a set of those rims that keep spinning once your car stops moving. Sadly, that wasn't to be the case with this album. Like most other Wu-related projects these days, it was only at about wood (less than 300 copies sold) at press time. It just goes to show that there's no point in making quality rap albums anymore since nobody's gonna buy the shit anyway.