The Real World: Philadelphia - Episode 4: Episode Summary

A Very Special Episode Summary
I'll spare you my usual Franzia stories and get right down to brass tacks: Karamo is officially the most wacked out motherfucker that's ever been on this series whose name isn't Suspect Stephen.

This episode was amusing for me on a personal level just because it's been such a long time since we've had a jig on this show who just couldn't stand being around crackas. I mean, the "jig who hooks up w/ skanky bitches at the bar every night of the week" stereotype (Syrus, Tec Money, David "$10 Blow Job" Broom," etc.) is cool, but I know lately I'd been longing for the likes of a Kevin "I'll Slap a Cracka Quick" Powell or a David the Rapist or even the aforementioned Stephen "I Slapped a White Girl on TV and Lived to Tell About It" Williams. No homo. In fact, Suspect Stephen might be the cat that Kameraman (or whatever his name is) reminds me of the most A) Because he's gay (don't front) and B) Because he's nuckin' futs.

We had already heard rumblings before about Kamaramalamos hardcore "pro-black agenda" or whatever you want to call it: His mentioning in conversations that he's "never had any white friends;" his preference for the taste of a black cock. I guess it was only a matter of time before he was involved in some kind of "incident." Those clever homos at (B)MP begin the episode w/ flashbacks to past confessionals of MJ and Kamron and scenes of the two of them bonding over shots (probably Pelican Bay) and other gay shit like that, just letting us know that shit is about to pop off between the two of them.

Then we get treated to some other scenes of dubious chronological origin (a (B)MP staple) of Karamo trying to explain where he's coming from (his daddy don't like crackas either (but is cool with homos?)) and having some race-related "run-ins" with various members of the household: In trying to tell some kind of story that I didn't catch, Landon uses the dreaded n-word, Kahomo explains to Shavonda that MJ's and Landon's parents probably used to shoot and hang niggers back in the '40s and '50s (yes, I giggled).

So he's got issues.

But before I get any deeper into that mess, I should probably deal with Shavonda. And boy would I like to deal with Shavonda. Apparently, Shavonda's one of these interesting figures who's "been on her own since she was 17," but still has motherfuckers sending her checks for $200/week (more than I get paid for working upwards of 40hrs/week). One scene in particular that got to me is when she calls her old man, who promises to send her a check and then immediately gets off the phone talking about "My father is not a very good man" and shit. Turns out he never did end up sending the money, but the thing is, she was all crying and throwing a fit over having "only $500" in her account. Um, exsqueeze me (ho homo), but do you know how many fucking groceries you could buy for $500. I don't even buy groceries (unless Taco Bell counts as them), but I know it's a fucking lot. I mean, it's not like she has to pay to keep the lights on in the Se(a)men center. They're getting a job from MTV next episode anyway. That fucking stuck up bitch.

So like I was saying, this kid Kahomo is as crazy as a bag of fucking angel dust, as they say in the ghetto, and is about to go out drinking with these two corny, fratty looking motherfuckers. Like they used to say over on the okayplayer boards (no homo), nothing good was about to come of this. So they get there and no sooner than they can sit down and start sipping on Whatever Kind of Beer Metros Drink (I can tell you it wasn't Busch Light), fucking Kaflamer starts getting into it with the two nancy boys about the race thing, like really egging them on. He tells Landon that the other day, whenever he was relaying that n-word story, that he came about "this close" to slapping him. At that point, any normal person (myself, por ejemplo) would've been like, "Fuck you, you crazy jig" and went about their business, but I guess because they were roomies and Karimjob had already laid such a heavy guilt trip on them about the race thing, they insisted on trying to talk some sense into him.

As far as the whole "Is the faggot packing a gun?" thing is concerned, it looks like it was just a simple matter of somebody mistaking his belt-microphone rig for a gun and alerting the security or whatever, who came over to see what was up (Getting frisked at a bar? I've never heard of such a thing!). To prove just how fucking crazy he is, dude even starts flipping out on the cops, first in the bar and then even out on the street after the shit was already all over. You know anytime a jig starts flipping out on the cops like that, after seeing what happened to Rodney King and all of those other dudes whose names we can't even remember, he's fucking crazy. It especially flipped me out when he was like, "Dude, I know my fucking rights!" I just wanted to scream at the TV, "You fucking idiot. You'd better be glad you've got a fucking camera crew right there behind you."

So that happens. Afterwards, he runs home in the gayest manner possible (He doesn't want to talk to anyone right now!) and starts to whine to Melanie and Shabb-Doo, but, before they can start taking him too seriously, BJ and the Bear walk in all giggly and shit like, "I can't believe what a fucking psycho this kid is." MJ tries to talk some sense into him, but Karimjob warns him to "back up two steps." Then he goes outside and prays to his Lord Jesus.

Next Episode: The gang gets a job passing out t-shirts for Jon Bon Jovi's football team. Fuck.