The Real World: Philadelphia - Episode 3: Episode Summary

I was having some wine issues last night and ended up losing my original post about this episode. It really was like losing a child, only obviously more important. Here goes again based on what I can remember happening several hours after the fact. I'd wait for the rerun that's coming on later this afternoon, but I don't really care that much anyway.

Besides, when you've watched this crap as long as I have, it's easy to get the gist (no homo) of what's going on. For starters, this is obviously the longest Willie has gone (even when he was a baby) without having a cock in his ass, and he's fed up. Him and Karamo are headed out to some really gay bar. I mean, all of the other bars they've been to have been pretty faggoty as well, but this one makes them look like Maryland Yards, which, admittedly (no homo), can be pretty gay itself at times.

On the way to the Tool Shed, or whatever it's called, Willie and Kamaramaramo discuss which kinds of poles they like to smoke. Willie claims he doesn't really have a "type" of unit, as long as it's in his ass. Karamo, on the other hand, likes a dingus in his anus that, "Exudes hip-hop style," which I basically took to mean (no homo) that he had tried white cocks in his ass before and they just weren't tight enough. On the way in, he picks up a copy of one of those free alt-weeklies to see whether or not that Usher/Kanye West tour would be hitting the Philly area.

No sooner than he can walk in and unzip his fly, Willie bumps into some kid he once fucked on the subway named Danny, who's so obviously a sexual predator. Supposedly he had no idea Willie would be there that evening. He just happened to be at the same fudge factory Willie was at, on the same night, at the same time, in an entirely different state from the one they met in. Hmm... This might even be that same fellow who got blown in a broom closet during Mardi Gras on that one episode of the Real World New Orleans. You fags know what I'm talking about.

So they go back to the house and fuck. They also end up bringing about half the contents of Club Bugger home with them, to the obvious chagrin of MJ and Landon. The two of them actually had a pretty legimate beef anytime you've got your roommates bringing home 15 or 20 people at a time, but MJ is afraid to say anything lest he be exposed as an intolerant southerner (as if) and Landon is a closet case anyway.

I'm not sure exactly when this conversation took place, but I remember noting how ridonkulous it was last night, so here it goes again, probably somewhat paraphrased:

Gay Person: The Mall of America is the best thing ever.

Landon: Yeah, I used to work at the Abercrombie there.

On a more or less unrelated note, I remember one time my mom was telling me that this kid Dirty Imani was working at an Abercrombie. To which I responded, "So what is he doing there, standing in the back folding clothes?" Her response: "How'd you know?"

Speaking of which, the girls on the show (the other girls on the show) go out shopping, where Sara, brace yourselves, bought a $70 pair of jeans. Melanie, the extraordinarily haggard for her age looking (you know you people aren't supposed to go outside), exceedingly average white chick just couldn't fathom spending that much on a pair of pants and was already jealous of Sara's fake boobs anyway, so they kinda got into it.

Looks like next week Kameraman manages to get into it with both the cops and MJ. Should be good times. I'll try not to drink as much during it.