Ashlee Simpson's incredible new songwriting technique

As a music fan and a child of the '90s, I read about my favorite artists' different songwriting techniques. For example, Kurt Cobain wrote songs (forking awesome ones, I might add) by combining bits and pieces of his journal entries using a technique he learned from the beat poets of the 1950s. Alanis Morissette went down on Dave Coulier during a showing of 3 Ninjas (hope she didn't miss any of the movie) and wrote about that. Biggie Smalls was so good he didn't even have to write any of his shit down! Jay-Z saw what he was doing and started doing the same thing! His shit wasn't as good though! Who cares!

Fast forward to 2004. No doubt inspired by such incredibly talented female artists as Liz Phair and Jewel (and let's face it, it doesn't get much more "talented" than those two), young Ashlee Simpson has come up with the greatest and most incredibly efficient writing style to date. This dumb, ugly, horribly mangled face having no talent ass clown has taken to scribbling down cliched 8th grade poetry bullshit phrases like "Pieces of Me" (wasn't that the name of a Jewel album?) into a journal and then passing that shit over to "professional" songwriters to make actual records out of. And actually, and this is based on the only 5 min. of The Ashlee Simpson Show I saw, the professional sonwriter chick was waaayyyyy better looking than she was. I wouldn't mind having a piece of that at all.

I feel sorry for the youth of today (as opposed to myself--the youth of 5 years ago) who have to grow up watching/listening to this shit.