ByronCrawford.com

Kerry's hot daughter and the other one

I didn't manage to catch any of the convention at all last week except for about 5 min. or so of Michael Moore arguing with that jig Lester Holt on MSNBC when I had stopped by my parents' crib one afternoon to eat some chan (no homo). But apparently JFK 2.0's daughters showed up at some point and one of them, I don't know, has got some work done? What the fuck? Because there was that one picture where her face looked pretty mangled, but either that was because she was caught off guard by the stalkerazzi (Like whoa, I'm only wearing my underwear here!), or she's had some serious work done in the past couple of months. Either way, I'm feeling the results. Here's another one where you can get a better look at her bod. She needs to have her people get into contact with Ashlee Simpson's people.

That other one though: Whew!

Ashlee Simpson's incredible new songwriting technique

As a music fan and a child of the '90s, I read about my favorite artists' different songwriting techniques. For example, Kurt Cobain wrote songs (forking awesome ones, I might add) by combining bits and pieces of his journal entries using a technique he learned from the beat poets of the 1950s. Alanis Morissette went down on Dave Coulier during a showing of 3 Ninjas (hope she didn't miss any of the movie) and wrote about that. Biggie Smalls was so good he didn't even have to write any of his shit down! Jay-Z saw what he was doing and started doing the same thing! His shit wasn't as good though! Who cares!

Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas = Not that hot

On the one hand, I can give credit to that gang of mulit-ethnic no-talents the Black Eyed Peas for coming up with the bright idea of adding a half-naked white chick to the group. That's the kind of idea that's going to take you from complete and utter obscurity (where all California rap groups belong) to the height of international superstardom (these cats are huge overseas like white Republican action stars). If I were them, I probably would've added 3 of them to the line-up, but hey, I'm a deep thinker like that. But on the other hand, I can't really say I'm feeling the bitch (no homo).

Terror Squad - True Story: Album Review

Terror Squad, The One with "Lean Back" on It, (SRC, 2004)
I said my jigs don't dance we just pull off our pants and, do the rock away! Now lean back! Lean back!

Road Rules X-TREME - Episode 8: Episode Summary

WARNING: I only caught about 5 minutes of last night's Road Rules, I'm tired, half-drunk and experiencing some weird kind of neck/back pain.

J-Kwon is a broke woman beater

I've never been so sure about anything in my life.

JoJo doesn't have any love to shake

Shame on those fags over at MTV for thinking I would actually want to have sex with an 8-year-old girl. So I'm sure that by now everybody's seen the video for, or at least heard the song "Get Out" by this... this... little fucking child, JoJo. I had actually caught it a while ago when she was on one of those "You Hear It First" segments. They showed some footage of her performing as, you know, basically a baby on some talk shows which only dated back to when I was like, a junior in college. Then they showed some footage from her little video and the bitch was going on 30.

Let's put William Hung back on the boat

By Request
I can see how this whole William Hung debacle has been especially hard for Asianfolk to deal with just because it played right into everybody's little stereotpyes about what Asian guys are like and all anybody could really offer in response was "Yeah, well..." It's like whenever a black chick goes on TV and acts really ignorant: You wanna get pissed off about it, but what are you gonna do, really? But trust me, this hasn't been any picnic for my kind either.

Road Rules X-TREME - Episode 7: Episode Summary

Quick, somebody get PETA on the phone.

I wouldn't mind a 3-way with Nina Sky

I caught these chicks' video the other day on TRL or some such and I'd just like to be the first to say "Oh yes sir." What are these bitches, anyway: Puerto Rican? We don't have those around here.