Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas = Not that hot

On the one hand, I can give credit to that gang of mulit-ethnic no-talents the Black Eyed Peas for coming up with the bright idea of adding a half-naked white chick to the group. That's the kind of idea that's going to take you from complete and utter obscurity (where all California rap groups belong) to the height of international superstardom (these cats are huge overseas like white Republican action stars). If I were them, I probably would've added 3 of them to the line-up, but hey, I'm a deep thinker like that. But on the other hand, I can't really say I'm feeling the bitch (no homo).

Let's start with the obvious: This bitch is pretty fucking cut. She's ripped like Angela Bassett in What's Love Got to Do With It?. For all of my younger readers, WLGTDWI? was this awesome, awesome movie from the early '90s where Ike Turner would ask his wife Tina nicely to do something, and then when she didn't do it (and she never would) HE'D BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HER. If anything, that movie should be a lesson to women that regardless of how much you work out, you're never going to be able to beat up any guys other than the J Station, which is already not much of a feat to begin with. But when you overdo it like those two bitches, it only serves to make you look creepy and won't make you any better of a dancer.

Speaking of which, this bitch is sooooo untalented (and this is Fergie I'm talking about here). Granted, BEP as a group aren't really worth a shit anyway, but man, those jigs can dance. Did they go to some elementary school for gay kids who wanted to grow up to become dancers, like 2Pac? I've seen the TV show Fame. I know what the deal with those schools is. But if you look closely at any of their videos, you'll see that this bitch Fergie can't even do that much. She dances the way that black people who think all white people can't dance (and 95% of them can't) might expect her to dance. More often than not, she just stands there and wiggles her (overly muscular) ass back and forth.

I would go on, but I've got to go flip White Assholes (my next to last day on the job) and I think you pretty much see where I'm going with this. I'm not impressed (no homo).