This Brad Benites business

It turns out we're going to have to go ahead and cancel that big Brad Benites witch-hunt I had been planning. Turns out the guy who sent me that email was Brad Benites' younger brother Santiago Benites using his big bro's business email account to send out random hate mail messages. And really, haven't we all had that happen before? I know there was that one time when I almost got into deep shit with the ADL until I informed them that it was actually the J Station who had somehow gotten out of his cage that night. Those crazy kids!

Here's the email the real Brad sent to me today followed by my response to it:

Señor Benites:

"Hello,

My name is Brad Benites, and apparently my 18 year old brother has used my business email address to email other people. I have been getting numerous different threatening emails saying that I wrote an email, when in fact I hardly use the computer at all. I asked him about it, and he said that he responded to your website about something. First, let me apologize for what he said. I do not condone his actions, nor would I even think to respond to somebody like that. I don't even have time to surf the internet. I am currently trying to get into pharmacy school, which takes up all of my time.

Please do not affiliate me with any of the words he said. I have since changed the password, and he will no longer be able to access my email account. Once again, I'm sorry for allowing him to use my email, and it won't happen again.

-Brad Benites"

Bocephus:

"Brad,

I'll take you on your word just because I couldn't imagine anyone in college, let alone pharmacy school writing like that. Try to talk some sense into your little brother.

-Byron Crawford"

About that contest:

Pending certain legal issues (It's not illegal to mail somebody a can of beer, is it? Does it matter that he's 16? I mean, it's a prize!), I'll be mailing Milo a can of Miller High Life the next time I make it to the post office. Sleepnotwork wins the special spirit award for this operation, which doesn't actually come with any prize other than the knowledge that he was this close to sending an email to each and every member of the University of Arizona faculty. You didn't actually do that, did you? And thanks to everybody else who participated or was going to but couldn't think of anything to write. Maybe we'll have a chance to do something like this again in the future. Hell, I'm sure we will!