Road Rules X-TREME - Episode 3: Episode Summary

Remember this was going to be the week that Big Lame White Patrick kissed somebody in a club. I know I was so excited that I ended up drinking every day last week just to take my mind off of it. I don't know if I'll ever recover, seriously. Thank you, MTV.

Patrick, in a confessional: "I think Jodi's an awesome girl. It turns out we're alike in lots of ways."

Byron, to the TV: "Yeah, you're both girls!"

The gang gets a message that tomorrow's mission involves hanging on a wall with no arms or legs, or something to that effect. The gang sits around and speculates as to what this could mean even though anybody who's seen commercials for this shit knows good and well that they're just going to be standing naked in a window covered in body paint. So much for the suspense, MTV!

But before that can happen we get to watch old, gay HS football rivals Patrick and Polish Derrick wrestle out on the lawn. BLWP ends up winning, but then The Polish Nugget challenges him to best out of 5, at which point it occurred to me that this Derrick kid might actually be a closet case. Remember how he was the first person on the RV to be like, "So which one of you is the gay guy?" Remember his little heart to heart with Danny out in the woods? Mm hmm.

Their mission involves, surprise, standing naked in a window covered in body paint, as "living art" says the gay guy who paints them. Whatever. Is this group ever going to have a mission that's actually challenging? Kina claims to be "Shocked!" Ibis is worried because she doesn't look very good naked, even though we already found that out last week. Derrick is worried because he reinjured his bionic knee last night trying to pick up that Kina chick. Danny, as my mom likes to say, is as happy as a fag at the YMCA.

And with good reason. Him and The Polish Nugget end up having to stand unit to unit with each other. Derrick claims it's cool because they're all good friends (having known each other for all of 3 days now), but you and I both know the real reason. My main gripe with this episode, and with those fags over at MTV, is that you never get a good look at that Jodi chick the entire time. Instead they mostly focus on Derrick leaning back on Kina and the pained expression on Ibis' face.

I should probably mention that they "win" the mission. Whatever.

The rest of the episode is devoted to BLWP's relationship issues. First, he goes to some club with Jodi, where they both dance like the whitest people ever (really embarrassing shit) and then go off somewhere away from most of the cameras (we only get some aerial, security-looking footage) and kiss. Then, the next day, him and Polish Derrick go out in the woods, by a creek to have a heart to heart about what he's going to tell his gf of 13 years and probable fiancé. But then he can't really decide, so he just ends up dumping the bitch. Seriously.

Next Week: Eh, who cares?