Road Rules X-TREME - Episode 2: Episode Summary

WarriorMentality was probably right when he said this season is going to be some of the wackest shit ever. I mean, it's Road Rules anyway, so it's already gonna be kinda gay (faggots, pardon my use of the term) to begin with. There's a reason why they only play this shit during the summer (when everybody but myself, apparently, is outside) and when there isn't any Real World (or Real World-related challenges) to show. And then there's that cast. Take a look at that photo of them that I posted in the last episode summary. I think that pretty much says it all.

This episode begins with some footage of the gang playing on the beach. That Ibis chick doesn't look very good in a bathing suit at all. I thought MTV had gotten away from casting fat chicks on these shows a long time ago. I guess since she's probably there to fill the token not-a-white-person role (I don't like the idea of having Hispanics playing the token ethnic person, btw. They aren't gully enough), she didn't have to be that hot. Danny decides he's gonna remove his trunks in the water. You know how those gay guys are.

Later on, Derrick, decked out in camouflage print cargo pants, has a "Why are you such a homophobe?" conversation with Kina. You can see how he's torn between his inherent d-bag nature and the fact he probably really wants to bang that Kina chick. Still, he's not gonna sleep in the same bed as Danny. That homophobe! Only the Rev. Fred Phelps or somebody would refuse to share a bed with another guy just because he happened to be gay. Sickening.

They get their second clue. Their next mission will involve them getting wet behind the ears (which makes no sense at all) and begins tomorrow morning at 9:30. Tomorrow at 9:30! What the hell was MTV thinking scheduling a mission that early? That's barely giving them time to sober up, let alone get in the condition to engage in any rigorous physical activity. Of course the gang doesn't let that stop them from going out and doing what they do best, this time at some joint called Mamas & Tapas Bar and Grill.

Patrick, the world's most boringest cracka, mentions something about liking to have fun. Danny goes fucking bezerk. First he's all dancing around like, um, a fag and then he actually goes and starts trying to molest that Kina chick. Dammit, I knew it! Even gay guys aren't that gay. Later on, back at the RV, Kina tries to turn it into some incident by sitting Danny up while he's passed out and acting as if he's about to die or some shit. Derrick completely mocks both of them, which, of course, I found amusing.

The next morning, it's time to get going, but Danny is still drunk. He throws up a couple more times on the way to the mission (way to prepare!). When Derrick mentions to him how he was getting on chicks at the bar, he claims he can't remember anything that happened, which is gay code for "Last night I got really drunk and realized  I wanted to fuck a chick (and who wouldn't, really?)."

The actual mission ends up being some old bullshit. They have to repel down this waterfall, but they have to land at each of the two points within 6 seconds of each other. That's not a mission. Fucking myself and Fitz could've done that. As usual, MTV cuts to a commercial (as if there aren't enough ads during the actual show) to make it seem as if they might somehow find a way to fuck up the mission, but they don't.

Danny and Derrick have a nice little heart to heart before the mission (Danny and his bf will have been together 11 months on February, 29) and then another one later, over french fries at some outdoor cafe. This is a little bit too early in the season for Derrick to be getting over his homophobe issues. Obviously this has to do with him wanting a) not to be sent home early and b) (and most importantly) to hook up with either Kina or the chick without the large intestine (wonder how that would be).

Next Week: Big Lame White Patrick kisses somebody in a club. Ooh, I can't wait!