ByronCrawford.com

El Busho out in a landslide? Hillary in as veep? Ha!

This calls for a Beast Ice.

The Real World: San Diego - Season Finale: Episode Summary

I should probably state right off that I was pretty loaded on Beast Ice by the time this came on last night, but having written about it for the past I-don't-know-how-long, I feel like enough of an expert on this season of The Real World that I could pretty much hammer out these summaries just based on the commercials for them.

The BC dot C is for the children

Ollie Byrd is only 9 years old, but he's fucking on to something. Go check out his post about why, in addition to being a drunkard and a man who may or may not have purchased a knob shine from an 8-year-old Cambodian boy (which is actually, as I understand, perfectly legal), Christopher Hitchens is also THE LIZARD KING!!!

The My Pet Goat incident

I posted about this a coupla weeks ago, but I figured in the wake of Fahrenheit 9/11 it was about due for a follow-up. I had heard from people who had seen the film when it was at Cannes, or whatever that the footage of President G-Dubs Mengele sitting there reading some bullshit called My Pet Goat to a group of school children (who turned out to be black, interestingly enough) was "absolutely damning" and the kind of shit that could conceivably change the way some people (not myself, probably and of course not, you know, D-COY or somebody) viewed his dumb ass. Some other kids who post here surprisingly (not at all) said that that wouldn't be much of an issue at all.

After all, President GDM wouldn't want to go scaring those little kids, now would he? I mean, the country is only UNDER FUCKING ATTACK. 7 minutes couldn't actually make that much of a difference when you've STILL GOT PLANES CIRCLING AROUND IN THE SKY LOOKING FOR SHIT TO CRASH INTO. Never mind the fact that those kids are already getting to the age where they had better get used to having scary run-ins with ign'ant ass white men. Am I the only one seeing this? What the fuck is wrong with you people? I gotta go to work.

US Military = Not really heroes

I could beat up every single kid in this photograph. At the same time, even.

Unfairenheit 9/11 = Bullshit

I was going to write a review of Fahrenheit 9/11 (which is FORKING AWESOME), but instead I decided to have a little fun with Christopher Hitchens. No homo.

This Brad Benites business

It turns out we're going to have to go ahead and cancel that big Brad Benites witch-hunt I had been planning. Turns out the guy who sent me that email was Brad Benites' younger brother Santiago Benites using his big bro's business email account to send out random hate mail messages. And really, haven't we all had that happen before? I know there was that one time when I almost got into deep shit with the ADL until I informed them that it was actually the J Station who had somehow gotten out of his cage that night. Those crazy kids!

The Real World: San Diego - Episode 25: Episode Summary

The first thing I noticed this week was how they changed the intro to edit out Frankie and to edit in this new Charlie kid. The way they did it, it seems as if Charlie was always there from the beginning. I mean, it's almost as if they re-shot the whole sequence, but I'm pretty sure it was just a matter of editing. If only they could devote that much time and effort to the rest of the show...

Road Rules X-TREME - Episode 3: Episode Summary

Remember this was going to be the week that Big Lame White Patrick kissed somebody in a club. I know I was so excited that I ended up drinking every day last week just to take my mind off of it. I don't know if I'll ever recover, seriously. Thank you, MTV.

J-Kwon beats his baby's mother

He promotes underage drinking in his songs (something I don't recommend at all). He lies about being a crack dealer and living at White Castle. He somehow managed to be worse than both Nelly and the St. Lunatics and Chingy. And he's not even from the fucking ghetto! Well if that wasn't enough, you can add to this list of crimes against humanity that your boy is also a fucking wife beater. Or at least teenage hoodrat baby mama beater. Because I don't think they let you get married if your only "17." But it looks like the so-called Teen President, the King of Getting Tipsy in the Club himself has already taken a few notes from the Billy Dee Williams/Ike Turner (wasn't he also from the STL?) handbook.