BC dot C reader of the week

Anybody who reads this site regularly (there must be like, 12 of us now) knows that we get some pretty special messages in the comments sections from random ass people who just figured out how to use Google and are trying to talk to P. Diddy or are looking for pictures of Brad from the Real Wolrd's dick or whatever. Well in addition to that, I'll also get one or two emails a day, and while it's usually just random members of J-Kwon's family or Clyde Smith (no more naked pictures dude, seriously), every once in a while it'll be one of these hardcore, über-racist dittohead types. Today, mostly for shits and giggles, but also to set an example (this is what happens when you fuck with the BC dot C), I've decided to pick one of these assholes out and make him an official "BC dot C reader of the week."

THE MESSAGE:

Subject: nigger
Date: 6/21/2004 5:01:43 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: "Brad Benites" bwpokertables@hotmail.com
To: byronacrawford@netscape.net

You're just a typical nigger, who doesn't know a damn thing.  Your Ronald Reagan story made me dumber.  Your black mind may have made you forget, but he won the cold war, and ended communism...remember, the berlin wall? or were you too busy scraping a white mans floor, like the slave you are.  Go back to africa you monkey.

MY RESPONSE:

First of all, Mr. Benites, any good racist (say Ronald Reagan) would know that as a black man, I'd much rather lie around and collect welfare than scrape gum from some white man's floor. Also, anybody who's read the comments to my album reviews knows that I'm not actually "the Internet's most well-spoken jig" but an 8 year old white kid who gets off on pretending to be some huge, crazy black man. Most of the good material on this site was created by my mentor Mr. Fitzgerald, known to you all as Fitz, whom I met while he was student teaching at my elementary school in St. Charles, MO (where all the best people live). You can check out my real blog here. Finally (for now, at least), the fact that your surname is "Benites" suggests to me that your not an actual cracka-ass cracka yourself but an hispanic of some sort, much in the same way that my roommate D-COY (no homo) is neither Irish nor a Southerner. Not that I have any beef with the Mexican people or anything, but don't you find it a bit ironic that you're the one accusing me of scraping gum from the white man's floor. Don't make me call INS on you.

YOUR MISSION:

Create your own hate mail and send a copy to Mr. Benites. Be sure to make it extra racist and extra ign'ant and let him know it was me that sent you. Also, paste a copy of it to the comments section of this post. In a week or so, I'll pick the best one and mail the winner a can of Miller High Life (seriously). It'll be just like the contests over on Catchdubs, only more Midwestern. Not feeling that creative? Just copy my own response and mail that to him. You won't be eligible for the contest, but you'll be contributing to a good cause none the less.

LATER THIS WEEK:

We use the power of the Internet to track down this asshole (no homo) and expose him for the Nazi Youth that he is to his friends, family, coworkers and anybody else who might be interested. Beeyotch!