Let's hunt and kill Avril Lavigne

This one's for Stone, writersblock and Sara. First things first though, we should probably get something out of the way. I'd hit it. Not that it's really special or anything, but I'd hit all kinds of things anyway. It's got a decent body and a good job. Plus it's Canadian, which gives it a sort of novelty value. Not the ultimate novlety (a deaf chick), but a novelty none the less.

With that out of the way, let's get into why Avril Lavigne deserves to be chased through the woods of Canada, until she is finally trapped and slowly and methodically mutilated with a machete. Avril Lavigne makes the most horrible, horrible music of all time. Her new shit is actually a lot worse than (the surprisingly decrepit looking) Liz Phair's recent shit, which was completely savaged in the press, but I think she gets away with it because she's young, and let's face it, doable. Before, it was because her shit was rawk compared to Britney and Christina.

At least Britney and Christina were kinda, you know, naked while they were singing. That alone is reason enough for them to not die some grisly death quite yet (let them hit 30 first). But Avril Lavigne is always dressed up in this shit that can best be described as '77 era Diane Keaton meets '86 era Soleil Moon-Frye. WTFIUWTBS? First of all, nobody dresses like that. Ever. And nobody is going to think your cool just because your clothes are somewhat different than everyone else's. This is not Degrassi Jr. High School.

Here's a hint Avril: You want to know the real (and only) reason why people think punk rocker chicks are cool? Becuase they'll basically fuck anybody, that's why. If you still want to have a career 10 years from now, you need to throw one of those Courtney Love-style concerts where you stage dive and let guys shove their fists in your hoohah. And let me know (via email) before you do it. Otherwise, I'm giving you about 8 more years (until that body starts to fall apart) and I'm coming after you with a shotgun.