The Diplomats, Diplomatic Immunity (Roc-A-Fella, 2003)
For being such a not-very-good group, the Dipset has a pretty rabid fanbase. For example, some unfortunate fellow over on SOHH.com (a site that's been a source of inspiration for me on a personal level) posted a topic about this album the other day:
man, i was bumping DI all day yesterday in the whip.. had to fight back a lot of tears because of the powerful music.. then i got to thinking.. will the diplomats be able to top diplomatic immunity????????? i mean, they have already dropped mad classics on the mixtape circuit.. but can they pull off another major label classic?
The sad part is, I'm pretty sure this kid wasn't bullshitting.
And lest you think the Dipset fanbase is confined to confused, Internet-thug white boys, one of my own biggest fans, a woman named mmm (whose parents had the foresight to name her after a Crash Test Dummies song), had this to say about the Dipset's general, Cam'ron:
CAM I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE SEXY AS HELL, AND LIKE I SAY.......TELL UM' "DONT BE MAD CUZ YOU AINT ME", CAN'T DO IT LIKE I DO IT.....TRY AND GET YOU SOME STYLE OF YOUR OWN, AND DONT WATCH ME WATCH THE MOVES I MAKE! YA DIG ??????? ONE LOVE! TO U HATERS WORK ON YA SELF,FA(FOR SOME FA MEANS FOR) REAL!
So yeah, I don't know what it is about these clowns, but whatever it is, clearly it's spreading. I picked up a copy of this album figuring I'd pan it just to bait a few Dipshits, but damnit if I didn't end up actually kind of enjoying it. It's not good in the sense that Madvillainy or The Pretty Toney Album are good albums, but it's just good enough (mostly thanks to the production) that I can sit back and marvel at how stupid it all is.
Apparently, this Un Casa fellow signed to Diplomat Records a little bit too late to rhyme on the rest of the album, but they let him kick a couple of verses on the intro. Let me just say I wasn't impressed.
JUELZ SANTANA (INTERLUDE)
They could've left this off of here.
WHO I AM
The best part of this song, for me, is in the beginning when the little Chipmunk sample goes "Who am I?" and Juelz Santana is like "Yeah, who are you?" Man, that kid's funny. Not in the way that comedians are funny, but in the way retarded children are funny.
This one is, as far as I'm concerned, one of the only 3 or 4 real bangers on this garbage. The beat is "powerful music" and Cam'ron spits what might be the best verse he's ever come up with, not that that especially means anything, but that shit is pretty amusing just in how retarded and misogynist it is.
e.g. "I got her opened, hoping she's not, I'd have her crack in her tits, coke in her twat/Have her crack up the strip, coke up the block." I don't even know what that means!
REAL NIGGAS (INTERLUDE)
Which one is Freekey Zeekey anyway, that John Forte looking nigga? And why is he even on here?
I'm pretty sure Nas and AZ used this beat for a song on that first AZ album, but it's been ages since the last time I heard it, so who knows. Which reminds me, if you want to hear a really good album, you should check out Aziatic by AZ, which came out a couple of years ago and was pretty much slept on. It's pretty much a Blueprint rip-off, but I'd put it right up there w/ the original, not that I consider either of them among my favorite albums.
HAVE YOU SEEN JUELZ SANTANA (INTERLUDE)
Another one of these dumbass Freekey Zeekey interludes. At least this one is short.
MORE THAN MUSIC
Juelz Santana bringing some "powerful music" to the table. At one point, it sounds like he says "I'm stuck w/ this pinga/Itchy as fuck," even though I'm pretty sure he was trying to say "finga." Freudian slip?
This one's not that bad either. Though I could've done w/out the part where the guy was all talking about how he was in love w/ his grandma. Like I needed to know that...
I'm pretty sure this was a single, but I can't remember ever really hearing it on the radio. I might've caught the video on BET or that MTV Jams channel. Anyway, that Cam'ron's a pretty sick bastard, talking about swallowing my cousin and going and kissing people's mothers. It wouldn't surprise me if Cam'ron was molested as a child and that's why he's going around sporting pink and rhyming about all kinds of weird shit like that.
HEY MA (REMIX)
Oh no, it's "Easy Like Sunday Morning." Was the original version of this song sampled off "Easy Like Sunday Morning?" If so, that shit wasn't as obvious. If they really wanted to set this bad boy off, they should've brought in Lionel Richie himself to sing the chorus and had him dancing around in the video w/ a pink shirt on. That shit would've been hilarious.
HELL RELL (INTERLUDE)
Just think, Hell Rell had all that time in prison to write a good verse and this is what he came up with. I guess a lot of that time though had to be spent guarding his cornhole (No homo, if that's appropriate here. I'm not really sure).
THIS IS WHAT I DO
This Hell Rell fellow I don't really care for. Not that I especially like Cam'ron and Juelz and whatever the other guy's name is, but this guy sounds old and w/ a weird voice. Must be Cam'ron's butt brother or some shit.
This sounds like the kind of garbage Swizz Beats was coming up w/ back in '99-2000. Otherwise it's not that bad as far as Juelz Santana songs go. At least he kinda tried.
HELL RELL FREESTYLE
Didn't we just have a Hell Rell "freestyle" a coupla tracks ago? We didn't really need that first one...
Here's a picture of a couple of members of "The Movement."
What's with that Yankee Swastika in the background anyway (and on the album cover too)? Are these kids Republican? I mean, you'd have to assume being that they are two white guys. I don't know if it's a Missouri thing or what, but I don't really know any white guys who aren't Republican.
I REALLY MEAN IT
Honestly, I think I pretty much got the point on that first disc, but I guess the music was so "powerful" they couldn't contain it on just 1 disc. At least they kicked disc 2 off strong. "I Really Mean It" is one of the only 3 or 4 real certified bangers on this shit. FYI, this is also the one where Cam goes "Golly I'm gully/Look at his galoshes."
Disc 2 might actually be a bit better than the first one. This song has a pretty interesting beat--the kind of shit the RZA might come up w/ if he was into making this kind of (garbage) rap music. Freeway's on it too.
I LOVE YOU
I thought Juelz was about to make another one of his 9/11 hijacker references when he said "I worship the great prophet... Muhammed Ali." Damnit, little fucker had my hopes up.
'Scuse me while Cam'ron kisses this guy. You know that's what he's into. He fucking cracks me up though: "Girls deranked and chumped, call 'em skank and cunt/Take a trip with the Dip bitch, to the bank to stunt."
A Dipset take on the classic welfare carol "1st of the Month." I was never really into that Bone Thugs shit, but I'm kind of feeling this. Love that weird '80s sounding beat.
JUELZ SANTANA THE GREAT
Uh-oh it's Santana the Fruit/Holla at ya toy! But for real, he probably should look into coming up w/ a style other than this one he's been trying to kick for the last two hours now (which was only kind of amusing to begin with). No wonder nobody bought his solo.
DJ ENUFF FREESTYLE
5:11 of Cam'ron and the Dipshits cryptic Bird Gang Bullshit over one of the more annoying and repetitive beats on either disc. No thank you.
WHAT'S REALLY GOOD
Yeah, what is really good? Definitely not this song. In fact, it's a contender for worst song on either disc.
Wasn't this shit already on that Paid in Full soundtrack? Not that it's especially bad, but it's certainly not good enough to warrant being included on two separate albums. It's not like the kind of people who would buy this shit wouldn't already have that album anyway.
BOUT IT BOUT IT..., PT. 3
This one was pretty much unnecessary the first time I heard it, on the Paid in Full soundtrack. Speaking of which, that shit really is worth hearing if you're at all amused by Dame Dash's ridiculous ego. Don't buy it though, find a way to steal it.
BUILT THIS CITY
Holy shit! Do you people realize this is the second album in a row I'm reviewing w/ this shit on it (Peep my review of Starship's Knee Deep in Your Mom's Hoo-ha). I mean, I didn't even plan that shit. I guess the only thing weirder would be the fact that these clowns decided to sample that shit in the first place. Yet another weird thing is the fact that it actually kinda works.
Yeah, let's go, please. Makes you wonder how much Dame spent for these clowns to waste that "Let's Get It On" sample.
So yeah, if my rather extensive review of this garbage wasn't enough to convince you to go out and grab yourself a copy, then this just might not be your thing. It's not really my sort of thing either, but I did find myself somewhat amused a few times throughout. As long as it is though, I don't know if I'll ever listen to it again in its entirety. I might keep Disc 2 out in the ride though, just in case I'm ever trying to score w/ any hood rat chicks.