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Murs - Murs 3:16: The 9th Edition: Album Review

Murs, Murs 3:16: The 9th Edition (Definitive Jux, 2004)
Times in 2003 had gotten rough for the black EMO rapper. And by "the," I don't mean "the" as in "the species of black EMO rappers," but "the" as in "the one actual guy." People didn't want to go to his shows once they realized he was black. I'm not talking about the regular white rap fan who starts liking a group after black people start liking it. In fact, I don't know who the fuck these people are, but they're definitely not coming to his shows. Sometimes, they'll even go so far as to show up at his show and then, when they realize he's black, ask for their money back. They'll be all like "All the sign said was that he was an EMO rapper. It didn't say shit about him being black."

Being from Africa myself (by way of Creve Coeur, MO), I could definitely feel for my brother Murs. But fortunately, I think I've found the solution (and I'm mainly talking to Murs here): When you're up on stage doing one of your songs (say for an instance, the one you did with Humpty Hump), all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, break out into "Lithium" by Nirvana. I know it sounds silly, but trust me, this, besides being white is the real key to being a successful EMO rapper. In fact, it doesn't even really matter if your music's not that good. So you can go ahead and cut out this business of putting out another good album every 5 minutes and start focusing on what really matters.

INTRO

Awesome intro! It's not Jay-Z's intro from the Dynasty album, but at least it's not some dumbass skit. Whatever that little sound effect is in the background (sounds kind of like a guitar or something), I fucking enjoyed it.

BAD MAN!

Just based off the fact that he rhymes about chicks so much, I wouldn't be surprised if Murs wasn't getting a lot of action, or at least not a lot of quality. After all, black chicks aren't going to sleep with you unless you're paid (or at least dressed up as if you were) and white chicks who hang out at concerts don't smell good.

3:16

Murs getting all agressive and shit! I'm fucking tired of these non-rapping ass rappers too. Somebody should fucking attack them, Drop Squad-style. Nobody does fake Primo like 9th Wonder.

THE PAIN

This should be a really good song, but, honestly, I'm not really feeling this beat that much. It's like every other 9th Wonder beat (not a bad thing), slowed down to about half speed (a bad thing). The singing on the chorus didn't really do anything for me either. This song screams "Remix!"

TREVOR AN' THEM

LOL at this dumbass Trevor. This is like early Ice Cube crossed with Humpty Hump. That little ringing sound in the beat sounds familiar, but right now I'm going one of those periods where I haven't been sober for more than 10 hours straight in a minute and damnit if I can't place it.

FREAK THESE TALES

Alright, an EMO version of Freaky Tales, about how he goes around and has bad sex with a bunch of skanky looking women (let's face it, there aren't any hot Denny's waitresses or femcees).

H-U-S-T-L-E

A song about the kind of shit kids in the ghetto do when they're too "creative" to sell crack. This just lets me know that I would't have lasted 5 minutes as a poor kid.

WALK LIKE A MAN

This song starts out with an alright beat and then the next thing you know, it switches to one of the most awesome beats ever, which last for another minute or so 'til it switches to yet another pretty good beat. 3X the bang for your buck.

AND THIS IS FOR...

This is the one where he whines about how white people don't come to his shows anymore. Not to start any shit or anything, but man, you white people are fucked up.

THE ANIMAL

Phonte or whatever his name is from Little Brother is rhymes on this one. It could've used a better chorus, but that's really just nitpicking.

Call me a pessimist, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and bet that times are not going to get any better in 2004 for the black EMO rapper. I've already gone over what my advice for him is, but it just occurred to me one other path to Murs selling hundreds of thousands of albums compared to the 129 he's sold so far (talking to Murs here again): Start dressing funny and hanging out with the Roots. Doing this album with 9th Wonder is a good step since they're already affiliated with the Roots although they've yet to compromise themselves. Even better, Erykah "Bad Hygene" Badu is out in LA as we speak, banging the D.O.C. and flushing the yayo down the toilet. This could be your opportunity. Alls I'm saying is, it worked for Common...